Christmas Cheer
by whatarushh
Summary: ...those ridiculous neon ice skates at Rockefeller center." Castle takes Beckett out for some Christmas eve fun!
1. Coffee

A/N: hello world, i'm back, and officially a college student! i've been working on this story for AGES -- packing, moving in, and getting settled really ate up my writing time, lol. but i finally managed to churn out the last chapter and a half, and we're ready to begin posting it. it's sort of in the One Step Closer universe (but NOT Keep the Faith), in that a) Castle and Beckett are on speaking terms, and b) they both know there's something there ... if ya know what i mean, lol. without further ado, enjoy! :D

disclaimer: nothing is mine. seriously, not even the plot ... for that, you can blame Nathan fan. ;]

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Chapter 1 – Coffee

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_Coffee (n) – the reason you can't fall asleep._

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"Merry Christmas Eve day!"

Kate Beckett looked up from the file she'd been poring over to see Rick Castle striding towards her desk, wearing a grin and walking with the unmistakable the-holidays-are-finally-here spring in his step. Brushing the light dusting of snow from his hair, he plunked down in the chair next to her desk. He looked at her expectantly. "Isn't there something you want to say to me?"

Kate raised an eyebrow. "I don't consider Christmas Eve day a holiday." She went back to her file.

"Well, will you at least wish me merry Christmas later?" he wheedled.

"It depends," she said without looking up.

"On what?"

"On whether or not you behave yourself."

"Hmm." He paused. "Well, it looks like I'll be going home without your holiday wishes, then."

"And why is that?" she asked absentmindedly, still not giving him her full attention.

"Because I haven't been well behaved a day in my life."

Kate chuckled and flipped to a new page in the folder. "So I'm not the only person you drive up a wall?"

"Oh, absolutely not. I don't discriminate."

She grinned, and Rick felt the familiar pleasant twist in his stomach that he'd come to associate with her smile. "So, any plans tonight?" he asked.

"Nah, not really," Kate answered, frowning slightly in concentration at the form she was currently looking at. "My dad bailed on me to spend Christmas with his new girlfriend. Might visit my mom for a little while, depending on the snow. You?"

Rick bit back a sympathetic comment; he hated hearing her talk about her mother so casually, because he knew there was absolutely nothing casual about what she was really feeling. He limited himself to a small sigh. "Well, my mother said she'd cook for a change, so that should be a nice little adventure. And Alexis is begging me to take her ice skating at Rockefeller Center, but I'm not completely sold on that one yet."

Kate finally tore her eyes from her work, looking at Rick incredulously. "You don't want to go?"

"Not especially. Why?"

"Because it's awesome! Ice skating under the world's biggest Christmas tree on Christmas Eve? It doesn't get much better than that," she said, turning her gaze back to the file again.

"Yeah, but I'm not much of a skater," he said slowly.

She shrugged. "Still," she said, searching through the file, "Alexis would love it. You should go." She found the paper she was looking for, pulled it out, and began skimming through the information it contained.

Rick made a noncommittal noise in response. The two sat in silence for a few moments as he mulled over his options and she became engrossed in her work. Kate doesn't get excited about too many things, he reasoned, so ice skating at Rockefeller Center on Christmas Eve probably would be worth the effort. But did he really want to strap on overpriced rental skates and spend at least half the night sitting on the ice instead of skating on it? Not really. What he needed was…

"I'll go if you'll go."

Kate looked up at him. "Come again?"

He smiled deviously. "I'll go ice skating if you'll go ice skating."

Her eyes widened slightly. "Oh, no, I couldn't."

He wasn't about to give up so easily. "And why is that?"

"I wouldn't want to intrude."

"You wouldn't be intruding, Alexis loves you!"

Kate looked around helplessly, not knowing what to say. She really didn't want to intrude, though the thought of spending Christmas Eve with Rick was undoubtedly appealing, barring the exasperation that comes with spending time with him. But with the infectious holiday spirit in the air, would she be able to keep her true feelings for him to herself? Her eyes fell on her empty coffee mug; she had an out! "One second," she said hastily, grabbing her mug and hurrying to the break room. She pressed a button on the espresso machine and held her mug under the drip of warm liquid.

"What's up, boss?"

She looked over her shoulder; Esposito had entered the room. "Nothing," she answered, removing her mug and stepping aside. Esposito went to fill his mug as well. "Castle just invited me to go ice skating with him and his daughter tonight."

Esposito looked up. "You gonna go?"

Kate paused with her mug at her mouth. "I'm not sure." She took a sip.

He removed his mug from the machine and glanced over at Rick. "It'd be a chance to see Castle fall on his ass."

Kate grinned and clinked her mug to his before heading back to her desk. She hadn't sat down before Rick spoke again.

"So? Are you going to force me to disappoint my daughter?"

She sighed, placing her mug on her desk and resuming her seat. "No, I guess I couldn't let you do that."

He grinned. "Great. We'll meet you there at eight."

"Seven."

"Hmm?"

"The line's going to be really long. We should go at seven."

"Are you voluntarily offering to spend an extra hour in my company?"

Kate held back a smile and glanced at him out of the corner of her eye as she returned to her work. "Consider it your Christmas gift."

Rick gasped in mock surprise. "How'd you know that's exactly what I wanted?!"

She chuckled. "I don't know whether I should be flattered or tell you to shut up unless you want this coffee all over your pants."

"As a precaution, I'll shut up now."

"Smart move."

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A/N: peace. love. reviews.


	2. Twinkle Lights

A/N: THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH for the reviews and the story alerts and the favorite stories and the favorite authors! seriously, that stuff makes my day!  
since there's been a tiny bit of confusion, just thought i'd clarify -- Beckett meant visiting the cemetery where her mom is. i know some people talk about it like it's visiting the actual person, and figured she'd be one of them.  
another disclaimer: all definitions courtesy of . some of them turn out to be very, very appropriate for their respective chapters. :D  
yet another disclaimer: this story, up until about halfway through chapter four, has been finished for ages. so i swear up and down that any similarities to any other stories are PURELY COINCIDENTAL. (seriously, it's eerie. someone used the phrase "sinfully handsome" in a story? yeah, "sinfully" rears its head in a later chapter.)  
i'll shut up now. :X

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Chapter 2 – Twinkle Lights

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_Twinkle (n)_ _– the stars in someone's eyes that represent mischievousness, hatred, or love._

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Later that afternoon, Rick had scarcely closed the door to his apartment before he heard Alexis's footsteps on the stairs.

"So?" she asked as she appeared on the landing, "Are we going skating?"

Rick sighed dramatically as he took off his coat. "Yeah, we're going skating."

"Yay!" she exclaimed, jumping down the last few stairs and giving her dad a hug. "What convinced you?"

"You," he said, placing his hands on her shoulders, "have a very good friend at the precinct."

"What do you mean?"

"Detective Beckett plead your case for you."

Alexis grinned. "Ah, yes. I guess a detective _would_ know how to present a better argument."

Rick laughed and turned to hang up his scarf. "Would you mind if she comes with us?"

She raised an eyebrow and gave him a knowing look. "You invited her already, didn't you?"

"Yep," he answered, heading towards the kitchen.

She followed. "Then why ask me if it's okay?"

He shrugged and opened the fridge. "It'd be rude not to?"

"Yeah, well, luckily for you, I approve of this one."

Rick poked his head out of the fridge to look at his daughter. "Oh, you approve, do you?" he asked sarcastically.

"Yes, I do," Alexis answered, looking at him pointedly, "just like you approve of Owen."

He sighed and re-immersed himself in the fridge. "Point taken."

"Speaking of, can he come with us too?"

"Who?"

"Owen."

"Nope."

She looked at him incredulously as he emerged from the fridge holding a grapefruit. "Why not?! You're bringing a date, why can't I?"

"Because Kate isn't my date, she's my _friend_."

Alexis rolled her eyes. "Yeah, you just keep telling yourself that."

"I will until it isn't true."

"Oh come on dad, can you honestly tell me that you ever thought of her as _just_ a friend?"

Rick had already opened his mouth to answer before he realized he didn't know what he was going to say. He would readily admit to himself that he'd been attracted to Kate from the moment they met, and that that attraction had steadily grown over the last few months … but did he really want to admit that to his daughter?

Thankfully, he was spared the potentially treacherous task of talking about his romantic interest to his offspring by his mother.

"Hey!" Martha called, entering the kitchen and brandishing a finger in Rick's direction. "Put that down, I'm making dinner!"

"That's exactly why I was planning on eating it," he said with a smile. Martha rolled her eyes. "We're meeting Kate at Rockefeller Center at seven, so if dinner could be ready by 6:15, that would be great."

She raised her eyebrows but didn't say anything, just smiled and nodded.

"Well," he said, putting the grapefruit back in the fridge and ruffling Alexis's hair, "at least one of you knows when to leave well enough alone!"

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"Where _is_ she?" Alexis asked, standing on tiptoe to try and see through the massive crowd filling the square.

"I don't know," Rick said, squinting through the flurrying snow and craning his neck around the man in front of him. "I told her to meet us at this corner. It's not like her to be late."

"She wasn't," came a voice from behind him.

He spun around to see Kate standing in front of him, looking both nervous and amused. He felt his breath catch in his chest, and thought that this site was one that he wanted to burn into his memory. Though she had a skate bag slung over one shoulder, she seemed oddly weightless, carefree, without the burden of work. She was wearing a black peacoat, form-fitting jeans, and slouchy black boots – flats, he noticed, rather than her usual heels. Around her neck was a green scarf he'd never seen before that perfectly complimented her eyes, which were currently reflecting thousands of twinkling Christmas lights. Her cheeks were flushed pink from the cold and her hair was slightly windswept. Snowflakes sparkled in her hair and eyelashes, and lightly dusted her shoulders. Rick thought he could stand there just looking at her forever, and it would be enough.

"Hey," he said, slightly breathlessly.

Alexis peeked her head around his arm. "Kate, hi!" She tried to step around her father but was rebuffed by a gaggle of tourists.

Kate grinned. "Hey Alexis." She placed a hand on Rick's arm and nodded towards her left. "Come on, the end of the line's over here."

Rick, being the good father that he was (or that he liked to believe he was), steered Alexis in front of him and followed Kate as she wove through the crowd, still at a loss for words. He knew that seeing Kate entirely away from the work environment would be different, but … crap. This was bad. Really, really bad. Bad in the best possible way, sure, but worse than he'd even imagined. The inherent magic of Christmastime probably played a part, but at the end of the day, what do snow and colored lights really mean? He could look at any woman in the same setting and appreciate the festiveness, but not become completely week-kneed and speechless. No, his sappy feelings were at least 90% caused by the woman who was currently leading him and his daughter through the crowd.

He took a deep breath. _Control yourself_, he thought. _Let's not scare her away._

They stopped walking as they reached the end of the line. "Well," Rick said, peering towards the ice, "it doesn't look like we're too far back, it shouldn't take too long."

"Hate to burst your bubble," Kate said, extricating her arm with difficulty and pointing a gloved hand, "but it loops twice and merges after the stairs."

He made a face. "Awesome."

"Hey, I thought you wanted to spend that extra hour with me!" she said, poking his arm with a good-natured twinkle in her eye.

"Yeah. Skating. Not standing in line."

"Well, take it from me, who has to deal with _you_ on a regular basis … patience is a virtue."

"I seem to be missing that gene."

Alexis laughed. "I think it skipped a generation."

Kate grinned. "So you don't mind if I tell him how annoying he is in front of you?"

"Are you kidding? Of course not! I think I know better than anybody!"

"Hey hey hey," Rick broke in. "Is this what I signed up for? A night of you two tag-teaming me?"

"Yep," they answered together.

"Awesome," he said again, sighing sarcastically.

"Oh come on, dad, you know you'd rather spar with us than with Gina."

He cringed. "Let's not even go there."

"Hm," Kate said, "I haven't had the pleasure of meeting ex-wife number two yet."

He looked at her seriously. "And you're so much better off."

"That bad, huh?"

"Does the phrase 'has no soul' mean anything to you?"

Kate chuckled and shifted her bag on her shoulder.

Rick noticed, and wanted to hit himself. "Here, let me hold that."

Alexis looked away, grinning.

"Oh, no, it's fine, I've got it," Kate said.

"Nope." He held out a hand. "Give it here."

She looked at him suspiciously for a moment, then handed him her bag. "Look at you, being all gentlemanly," she said as he swung it over his shoulder.

"I have my moments."

"You should try and have them more often, this is nice!"

He laughed. "I'm actually surprised you have skates. Do you use them much?"

"Not really," she replied. "My friend got them for me as sort of a gag."

"How are ice skates a gag gift?"

She chuckled. "Oh, you'll see."

His response was cut off by Alexis. "Owen, hi!"

Rick raised his eyebrows. "Owen?" He turned around to see Alexis hugging her boyfriend, who looked windswept and slightly red-faced. Rick tapped her on the shoulder. She turned to face him, and he leaned in to whisper in her ear. "I told you you couldn't bring him."

She pulled back enough to be able to look at him. "I didn't. He met me here. And it's rude to leave him hanging, right?" He looked at her, torn between being angry and nervous and the slightest bit grateful. She lowered her voice. "Trust me, I'm doing you a favor."

He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. "Fine. Go, have fun, be careful."

"You know I will."

"Yeah, but I'm your dad, I have to say it."

She stepped back and smiled brightly. "Owen has a spot farther up on line, so I'll be up there. Call me when you're ready to leave!" With a wave, she and Owen disappeared into the crowd.

Rick watched her go, emotions warring for dominance. On one hand, he'd just watched his little girl walk away with a boy. But on the other hand, he'd finally achieved something he'd been hoping for for months; alone time with Kate Beckett, where the main focus of conversation was _not_ murder, or anything else equally as serious.

"She's got a good head on her shoulders," Kate said, "She'll be fine."

He smiled slightly and turned back to face her. "I know. I'm more worried that now you're going to skip out on me."

She rolled her eyes and grinned. "I wasn't planning on it."

He shot her a surprised look.

She shrugged. "What can I say? I'm feeling festive."

He smiled, and said a silent _'thank you'_ to the giant Christmas tree standing above them.

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A/N: i love that Castle's a writer, so i can write his thoughts all romantically and have it not be weird, because writers are naturally more descriptive. *happy sigh*


	3. Neon Ice Skates

A/N: grr, stupid spam hunters. i meant ... all definitions courtesy of urban dictionary . com (remove spaces, obviously :P). but moving on ... wow, can i marry all of you? i've been reading textbooks all day, and i can't even tell you how much your reviews cheered me up. seriously, let's all head up to Vermont, they're pretty open minded.

for reference: http:// figureskating. about. com /od/ glossaryofskatingterms /g/swizzles .htm -- again, remove all spaces. just a helpful little bit of info. =]

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Chapter 3 – Neon Ice Skates

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_Neon (adj) – the latest and greatest of everything._

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"Those are _fantastic_."

Two hours later, Kate and Rick had finally made their way to the front of the line and into the locker room. She had left him on the rental skate line to go search for a space on a bench. After getting his skates, he spotted her in a far corner of the room and picked his way through the tangle of legs, blades, and laces. She'd finished putting on her skates by the time he reached her, so she stood up to let him take her spot. As he sat down, he'd noticed her garishly neon skates and voiced his approval.

She chuckled. "How'd I know you'd think so?" _Because Will thought they were stupid_, she answered silently.

He held up his battered rental pair. "Wanna trade?"

"No, and neither do you, unless you want to wear skates that are a good five sizes too small for you."

He raised an eyebrow suggestively. "You know what they say about men with big feet."

She folded her arms. "Yep; they don't fit into women's skates."

He sighed, and began taking off his shoes. "Okay, you win."

Kate watched him struggle with his skates for a few minutes, biting back a grin. He looked at her desperately after a little while, and she finally decided to take pity on him. She knelt to the ground and dragged one of his feet closer to her, glaring at him. "This doesn't leave this room, got it?"

Rick smiled gratefully. "My lips are sealed!"

She rolled her eyes and began lacing his skates. She chuckled inwardly as she tied a double knot around the boot; what would her friends and family – or anyone in the general public, really – say if they knew she was tying _the _Richard Castle's skate laces? When she finished, she patted his foot and stood up. "Alright, soldier," she said, holding out her hand to help him up, "Let's see how bad at this you really are."

"Ya know," he said, taking her proffered hand (giving her a nervous thrill in her stomach) and getting to his feet, "I think you're getting far too much enjoyment out of the fact that you're better at this than I am."

She smiled devilishly. "Can I help it if I love watching you squirm?" Before he could respond, she turned and headed towards the exit, leaving him to follow. She knew he would, of course; sometimes, flirting was just too easy.

Kate stepped carefully onto the ice and took several tentative strokes away from the entrance. Relief flooded her; it was just like riding a bike. She spun around, fully expecting to see Rick still standing on solid, non-slippery ground. Instead, he was standing, albeit a little unsteadily, no more than a foot behind her. She almost fell over in surprise. "I thought you weren't much of a skater!"

He placed a hand on her shoulder to steady both of them. "Hey, I'm nothing if I'm not a little bit reckless."

She gave him a wry smile. "Don't I know it."

He laughed, and held out his arm to her. "Shall we?"

She half-jokingly eyed his proffered arm suspiciously. "Is this a ploy to pull me down with you when you fall?"

"No, ye of little faith," he said, grabbing her hand and placing it in the crook of his elbow. "Wasn't it you that told me to be gentlemanly more often?"

"Yeah," she said, deftly sidestepping a boy barreling around the rink at top speed and howling with laughter, "I just wasn't expecting such a change so soon!" She glanced over Rick's shoulder and pulled him to her left; seconds later, a girl whizzed by, clearly in angry pursuit of the boy.

"Well," he said, watching them interestedly, "it's either get pulled down by me or run over by our mini-me's. Your choice."

She sighed dramatically. "Let's go, then. I'd really rather not have any appendages get sliced off."

Rick laughed. They set out, moving slowly due to the dense crowd, snowy ice, and lack of ability on his part. He slipped slightly; Kate tightened her grip on his arm to keep him upright. "So, I have a question for you," he said as he steadied himself. "You said you don't use your skates much, yet you _have_ them, which usually means you need skates too often to rent them all the time. How does that add up?"

"I used to skate," she replied, gliding behind him for a moment to avoid a man that lay sprawled on the ice. "Took lessons all through elementary and middle school."

"Ah, that explains why you can do _that_," he joked as she fell back into step with him, hand still stuck between his arm and his torso. "But have your feet always been the same size?"

She chuckled. "No, I had normal white skates back then. I told you, these were a gag."

"I'd love to hear the story behind that one."

"My friend and I have a tradition of giving each other weird gifts. Like, one year I bought her a jar of pickles and a tutu."

He let out a laugh. "Are you serious?"

"As a heart attack," she said with a smile.

He grinned. "So, you took skating lessons for your entire childhood?"

"Basically."

"Can you do any of those fancy leaps and spins and stuff?"

"Oh, no, not anymore."

"But you used to be able to?" he asked, slipping again.

"Yeah, sort of," she answered, gripping his arm.

"And now?"

She looked at him. "Now I'm 15 years older, rusty, and desperately out of practice."

"Well there has to be something you can impress me with!"

"What, being able to stay on my feet isn't impressive enough?"

"Hey!" he said, brandishing a finger at her. "For your information, I haven't fallen yet!"

"Notice who's been keeping you on your feet, though."

"This is true, but you also run after murderers while wearing heels. I think you're _supposed to_ have better balance than me."

"Fine," she sighed, removing her hand from his elbow. She spun around to face the opposite direction, skating backwards in front of him and doing swizzles. "I think this is all I'm capable of anymore!"

At that moment, the woman skating in front of her stopped short, causing Kate to skate into her. She lost her balance, but wasn't able to fall before Rick, unable to stop quickly enough, collided with her. She scrabbled to grab his shoulders, while his hands found her hips and held her fast against him.

Suddenly, Kate found herself in Rick's arms, feeling the warmth radiating from his body, their clouds of breath intermingling, her nose inches from his.

"Sorry," she muttered, averting her eyes from his. She was surprised he couldn't feel her heart pounding, even though the numerous layers of fabric separating them. She attempted to drop her arms to her sides, but only managed to slide her hands as low as his ribcage before her elbows came into contact with his arms.

"It's not your fault," he said. She noticed he sounded different, almost breathless. Ignoring the angry grumblings of the woman she'd run into, she chanced a glance at Rick's face. He too was ignoring the other woman; he only had eyes for Kate.

She found herself unable to tear her eyes from his, and felt her heart beating in her throat. The snow and the crowd swirled around them, but nothing else mattered. Nothing but the look in his eyes and the way he felt against her. Despite herself, she felt her fingers begin to curl into his coat, subconsciously telling her not to let go, not when she was so close.

"Eeeeek!"

They quickly let go of each other, and Rick spun around just in time to catch Alexis as she crashed into him. Somehow, they managed to stay upright. Kate was torn between wanting to laugh and feeling severely disappointed.

"Boy, I'm getting good at this!" he joked. He noticed Owen approaching. "You need to be taking better care of her, my friend," he said good-naturedly.

Owen laughed nervously. "I'm trying, but she's better at this than I am!"

Kate felt her hopes deflating. Rick was acting like his normal self, completely oblivious to the moment they'd just shared. Or, the moment she _thought_ they'd just shared … she wasn't making it up, was she? No, of course she was. It was the magic of Christmas talking, and that's all. But just as she'd convinced herself it was a figment of her imagination, she felt his hand on the small of her back. She suddenly felt 50 degrees warmer and was in significantly better spirits. She rolled her eyes at herself; was it really that easy for him to affect her emotions?

"I'll slow down, I promise," Alexis was saying to Owen, grabbing his hand. She turned to her dad and Kate. "Sorry to interrupt. Feel free to pick up where you left off!" she said with a grin, disappearing with Owen into the crowd.

Rick sighed and turned to Kate, smiling slightly. He offered her his arm again. "Shall we continue?"

She smiled and, this time, did not need his assistance to link her arm through his. "Yes, I believe we shall."

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"Okay," Rick said a half an hour later, "I can't feel my toes and I'm starting to slur my words."

"Same," Kate replied. "Is my nose red?"

He looked at her. "A little, yeah," he said, grinning.

She made a face at him. "Great."

"Shut up, it's cute!"

"Yeah, okay," she said sarcastically.

He rolled his eyes and chuckled, but decided not to argue. "Well, the night's still young. Could I offer you a mug of my famous hot chocolate?"

She hesitated for a moment, and instantly berated herself for doing so. Honestly, at this point, what were her hang-ups? Were any of them significant enough to forgo what could be part two of a very enjoyable night?

She looked at him and smiled. "Hot chocolate sounds really good right about now."

He grinned. "Great! So should we – AARRRGH!"

A little girl sat on the ice in front of Rick, who noticed her too late to be able to stop. He couldn't avoid colliding with her, but avoided actually skating over any part of her body by allowing the impact to stop his feet. His forward momentum continued, however, and he fell spectacularly. Kate shrieked as she was pulled down with him, landing on her hands and knees on the ice. Seeing the frightened look on the girl's face and Rick lying facedown on the ice caused Kate to burst into laughter. Rick rolled over onto his back, laughing equally as hard.

"I guess this successfully undoes my previously fall-free night!" he managed to get out, as the little girl stood up and hurried away.

"Oh man," she moaned, still chortling, sitting back and swinging her legs in front of her; they were covered in snow. "I think I have to go home now, I can't sit in wet pants for the rest of the night."

He dismissed that with a wave of his hand as he pulled himself into a sitting position. "We have a dryer for things like this."

She raised her eyebrows. "And what am I supposed to wear while these," she gestured towards her soaked pants, "are drying?"

"We have pants for things like this."

"Fine," she said, raising her hands in mock surrender. "Fine. You win. But one question."

"Go."

"You whined all night about how bad a skater you are, but you only fell this one time. What's the deal?"

"Hmm," he said thoughtfully, a twinkle fully evident in his eye, "I don't know. Maybe you just bring out the best in me."

She felt her cheeks flush.

"Oh my god, dad," Alexis said, sliding neatly to a stop in front of him. "What did you do?"

"It wasn't my fault," he said, brushing snow off of himself and clambering to his feet. "There was a rogue child in my path." Alexis laughed. "Where's Owen?" he asked, helping Kate up.

"He had to leave."

"Good timing; we're getting ready to head back."

"Oh, okay!" She turned to Kate. "You're coming?"

Kate sighed. "Yeah. I must be crazy, but yeah."

Alexis grinned. "If you're crazy then you'll fit right in!"

Kate smiled. Fitting in with the Castle family may not end up being an entirely bad thing.

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A/N: i wrote this chapter out of experience. i used to skate when i was younger, and swizzles really are all i'm capable of anymore :P ; i've been skating at Rockefeller Center on Christmas Eve and, while it IS ridiculously awesome, the line really was about an hour and a half long, and we only skated for about 15 minutes ... and my cousin and i had some rather epic falls, lol ; and Rick's fall actually happened to me, but on a soccer field. unfortunately, i can't say i've had any super romantic moments like this, though. :P  
warning: the next chapter is long. really long. at least by my standards. so be prepared! ;]  
should i keep repeating how much i love reviews? 'cause i doooo!


	4. Hot Chocolate

A/N: *opens arms really wide and hugs everyone*  
that is all.

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Chapter 4 – Hot Chocolate

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_Chocolate (n) – a great romantic gift; the almighty distraction; something that is the best it can be._

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As Rick pulled on a new shirt, his mind remained preoccupied on a much more interesting subject; Kate Beckett was currently in his bathroom, changing into a pair of his pants. His heart throbbed wildly at the mere thought, and he nearly poked his own eye as he pulled the shirt over his head. How he'd managed to get himself into this wonderfully precarious situation, he still couldn't quite figure out. He hadn't meant to crash into her, or instinctively grab her waist to keep her from falling. He hadn't meant to fall over that little girl, or bring Kate down with him. He hadn't meant to become breathless at the sight of her that night more times than he could count. But he had felt her fingers curl into his jacket, seen giddy laughter light up her face, and thought there may be a sliver of hope that his seemingly ridiculous feelings could be mutual. So why shouldn't he have offered her his pants? Sure, Alexis was closer to her size, but his drawstring sweats would do the job just fine. And hell, he wanted to see what they looked like on her … perhaps more than he'd care to admit right about now.

Finished changing clothes, he headed back downstairs, trying desperately to think about anything other than the proximity of his pants to Kate's legs. He reached the kitchen and busied himself preparing two mugs of hot chocolate; Alexis had disappeared into her room with a sly smile in his direction. Soon, however, he found himself in his head again. He'd seen a number of women in his clothing, he mused, some of whom wore nothing underneath. And he wouldn't lie to himself, it was definitely sexy. But had he ever been this – excited? – by the _idea_ of a woman wearing an article of his clothes? Kate didn't open up to or trust just anyone, but she was willing to throw on a pair of his pants. That, he thought, was a big deal. Maybe that had something to do with his reaction – the fact that he was getting to her, and the emotional implications of such a simple action.

Or it could simply be the fact that fabric that had covered his legs so many times would now be covering hers. The waistband would be settled around _her_ hips, the pockets would be rubbing against _her_ thighs, the crotch would be – he swallowed hard – in a very intimate place. Yeah, that might have something to do with it.

"Hey."

Kate's voice broke him out of his thoughts. He turned around to see her standing on the other side of the counter, holding her wet pants delicately in one hand, eyebrows raised. "Don't look so surprised to see me," she said with a smile, "I gave you every opportunity to hear me coming down the stairs."

Rick let out the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding and shook his head to clear it. "Sorry, I was in my own little world."

"That must be a scary place," she said, smiling.

He chuckled. "You don't even know."

She held up her pants. "What should I do with these?"

"Ah, yes," he said, walking around the counter. "I'll go put them in the dryer."

"Okay," she said, handing them to him and inclining her head in the direction of the living room. "Couch?"

He nodded. "Good plan."

As he headed to the laundry alcove (a byproduct of being a single parent that worked at home and didn't particularly relish biweekly trips down to the basement), he silently congratulated himself for not gawking too much. He couldn't help himself entirely, though, from giving her a once-over, but he was rather proud that after that he was able to keep his eyes on hers, when what he really wanted to be looking at was the sliver of skin visible between her shirt and his pants. He sighed as he put her pants into the dryer with his (taking a second to enjoy how they looked together) and shut the door. It was torturous. Absolutely fantastic, sure, but it was torture. He twisted the dial to turn the dryer on and paused for a moment. God, he wanted to touch her so badly. Not even in a sexual way, at least not yet, though the thought was undeniably tempting. A hug would be fantastic, he noted as he thought back to the moment they'd shared earlier. He wanted to hold her, make her smile, give her some sort of escape from the harsh reality of her life. But even that might be getting ahead of himself. Right now, he decided, heading back out to the living room, he would be content with a simple brush of the hand, pat on the back, bump of the knee; proof that she was indeed real, and not just a phantom, a product of his over-active imagination.

Rick found Kate on the couch, holding a steaming mug of hot chocolate on her knees, gazing contemplatively into the crackling fire in front of her. He glanced between the two for a moment before speaking. "Believe me, there are no answers to life's burning questions hiding in there."

She looked up at him and chuckled. "Nice pun."

"Would you believe, it was completely unintentional!" She shook her head in amusement as he sat down next to her and picked up his own mug. "Seriously though, is something wrong?" he asked before taking a sip.

"No," she said, turning her gaze back to the fire and sipping her hot chocolate, "I just like watching fire."

He cleared his throat to get her to look at him. When she did, he looked at her pointedly.

She made a face. "Fine, okay, I was thinking! How'd you know?"

"Um, haven't I told you that the way your brow furrows when you're thinking is cute?"

She sighed. "It's such a traitor."

"Or I'm just extra observant."

"Ya know, that could be it. Nobody's ever commented on it before."

Rick was genuinely bewildered. "Really?"

"Yep."

"Hm. What about that little birthmark right below your left eye?"

Kate nearly choked on her mouthful of hot chocolate. "You noticed that?"

"Yes, and by your reaction I'm imagining it's safe to assume that not many people do?"

She shook her head. "Nope. And if they do, they think it's from mascara. Or at least Will did."

He raised an eyebrow. "The man who gathers evidence to solve child abduction cases couldn't notice that his girlfriend had the same 'makeup smudge,'" he made air quotes around the phrase, "on her face every day?"

Again, she shook her head. "Nope."

Rick was rather disgusted. "I'm not trying to take anything away from my awesome observation skills, but boy, he's more of a tool than I thought."

Kate smiled. "Just out of curiosity, what else have you noticed about me?"

"Oh, I don't know if I can tell you that," he said mock seriously, stretching his legs out on the coffee table. "It's classified information for my book."

"For a character based on _me_!"

He laughed. "I know, I know. Well, you wear red more often than any other color, so I assume it's your favorite."

She nodded, smiling slightly, waiting for him to continue.

"Your top teeth are slightly uneven; the bottom of the left side doesn't come down quite as far as the right side. Your hair gets wavier when it's humid outside. When you're aggravated, you play with your necklace. You clench your jaw when you're holding in your reaction to something. And you have a completely infectious laugh."

They sat in silence for a moment as she digested what he'd just said. For a moment Rick wondered if he'd said too much. But then he noticed that, even if she did look a bit shocked, she looked flattered rather than creeped out.

"So," he said, downing the last drops of his hot chocolate, "I'm starting to think this conversation was a ploy to get me to forget to ask you what you were thinking about."

Kate chuckled, still looking a little bit stunned. "It wasn't, but you're right, it does seem like it was."

"Do I still have to ask you what you were thinking about?"

She sighed. "I was thinking about how I forgot to thank you."

"For what?"

"For forcing me to deal with feelings I'd all but ignored for the better part of ten years."

He paused. "I'm not sure I follow," he said quietly.

She took a deep breath and looked down at her hands clasped around her mug. "I'd avoided thinking about my mom's case for the longest time because of all the emotions it dredges up. But when it was shoved in my face," she glanced at him, and he smiled apologetically, "I couldn't run away from it. It was either get to the source and fix it, or cover everything up again. And I realized that I'm tired of pretending it's not there, and I'd rather face it down, as much as it's going to hurt, because one day I want to be able to look at pictures of my mom and remember happy things. I'll never be able to do that if I don't get over her death." She looked at Rick. "So thanks for … giving me a shove in the right direction."

"Well," he said slowly, "my initial motivation was to help catch the guy that killed her. But even if he's never caught, you just made everything worth it." He looked at her, and felt his heart skip a beat. "You're very welcome. All I want to do is help, in one way or another."

She smiled. "I know."

They lapsed into a comfortable silence, the popping of the fire making the only noise in the room. After several moments, Kate laid her head back on the couch and closed her eyes. "Have I told you that this couch is sinfully comfortable?"

Rick glanced at her, very amused. "No, I don't believe you have."

She opened her eyes and turned to look at him, head still resting on the back of the couch. "In that case … this couch is sinfully comfortable."

He laughed. "Tell me about it; I've fallen asleep here more times than I'm comfortable admitting to. But, I figure I should try and get my money's worth."

She raised her eyebrows. "Expensive?"

"Sinfully."

She smiled almost sadly. "I should've figured."

He chuckled. "I almost had a heart attack when my interior designer told me the price, but…" he ran a hand over the armrest, "I fell in love."

"Who says money can't buy love?"

"The same man that said 'I am the walrus.'"

She grinned and raised her mug in his direction. "Goo goo g'joob."

He laughed. "No, if money could buy love, I'd be a very happy man."

"It's gotta be nice being rich, though."

"Yeah, but it has its moments."

At this, Kate picked her head up. "What do you mean?"

"I've always got to be on my toes, and wonder if somebody likes me or my money."

"Mmm, I can see how that might be a problem."

He sighed. "That's not even the worst of it."

"Then what is?"

He paused. "The guilt."

She opened her mouth to answer, but simply shook her head slightly to tell him that she didn't understand. She gazed searchingly at his face.

Rick took a deep breath. "Well, those of us with morals feel terrible seeing all the homeless people on the streets. It's only gotten worse, knowing that I have so, so much, and they have next to nothing." He hesitated, wondering if he should tell her the rest, but plowed on. "And seeing what you guys do every day…" he trailed off. "You do so much for so many people. You … serve justice. You bring people closure, you make the city a safer place. You help people! But I have this," he gestured around the room, "and you don't. Tell me that's fair."

"You help people too," Kate said quietly.

He chuckled sadly. "No I don't, not really. Sometimes," he said, voicing a concern that had plagued him since beginning his work at the precinct, "sometimes I feel like I don't deserve any of this."

"Don't say that."

He laid his head back on the couch defeatedly and turned to look at her, mimicking her position from earlier. "Okay, what good has come to anyone else out of my books? And not enjoyment, it doesn't take much to entertain people. Name one person I've helped."

She hesitated for a moment, teetering on the edge of whether or not to say something. He watched her gather her resolve before locking her eyes on his. "Me."

He tilted his head upright and placed his feet back on the floor, scarcely daring to believe his ears. "Wha–?"

She chuckled nervously. "Very eloquent."

"Well," he said, heart hammering, "I _am_ a writer, not a speaker. And it's not every day that I find out I've helped somebody, let alone … you."

She shrugged shyly.

He looked at her as if seeing her clearly for the first time. "How?"

She took a deep breath and leaned forward, placing her mug gently on the coffee table. It seemed like she regretted that immediately, though, and began twisting her hands in her lap. "A few years ago," she began slowly, "I was in a really bad place. I didn't know how to deal with what had happened, and neither did my dad, so for awhile I was completely on my own." She smiled dryly. "The one thing Detective Raglan did right was to suggest a therapist. My dad had already turned to alcohol, so I went, for a lack of other options."

"You didn't want to go?" he asked tentatively, hoping desperately not to scare her back into her shell.

Kate sighed. "I don't know. I'm not, and never have been, big on talking about myself, especially to a complete stranger." She paused. "It definitely helped, though, don't get me wrong. But it was only good for dealing with the fact that my mother was dead. I still wanted to know _why_, how a person could do something like this. And that's … that's where you came in."

Rick was basically holding his breath at this point, every nerve in his body tingling, aching to hear more.

"Reading anything else just seemed stupid. I mean, I was miserable, so I thought the whole world should be too. I didn't want to read about people falling in love or accomplishing a goal. I didn't necessarily want to read about murder, but I couldn't bring myself to read anything else."

His heart ached as he pictured a twenty-year-old Kate Beckett looking lost and forlorn in a library filled with books that now seemed like idiotic drivel, desperate for some sort of consolation.

"So I sort of stumbled across Flowers For Your Grave."

He smiled very slightly. "Is that why you recognized that murder scene before the one from Hell Hath No Fury?"

She returned his smile and nodded. "Yep. I've read that one more times than I can count." She continued. "I don't know, I felt like you sort of explained the killers' motives, what goes on in their head. That really helped. No therapist would've been able to do that. But the best thing was that there was always a resolution at the end; everything got solved and tied up." She paused. "It gave me the first shred of hope I'd had in a really long time." She looked at him, emotion still evident in her eyes. "So don't ever say you don't deserve what you have, or that you don't help people, because you've helped me more than you'll ever know." She looked back at the fire and let out a laugh. "I cannot believe I just said all that."

For what may have been the first time in his life, Rick had absolutely no idea what to say. He didn't know whether to smile or cry, and was therefore left with his mouth slightly open, a dazed look on his face.

Kate tried unsuccessfully to hold back an ironic smile. "Well, this is new. I don't think there's ever been a situation where you've been quiet and I _wanted_ you to say something."

He thought for a moment. "I…" he trailed off, and tried again. "I wish I knew what to say." He paused. "I don't think flattered is the right word. I'm … honored, I think."

"Honored?"

"And relieved."

She gave him a bewildered look.

"That you let me help you. Well," he corrected himself, "not that it was really _me_, but … it sort of was."

She nodded. "And isn't it ironic that you're trying to help again?"

"Mmm," he said in agreement. "It's like we've come full circle." He chuckled. "I only wish I'd known when it began."

She smiled and dipped her head, allowing her hair to hide her face.

"And I'm equally as honored that you told me." She looked at him, and he explained himself. "You said it before, you don't like talking about yourself. You didn't _have_ to tell me all of that, but you did." He smiled softly and placed his hand over hers that was resting on her knee. "That means a lot to me."

She squeezed his hand lightly, sending his heart racing. "Well, seeing an emotionally fragile Rick Castle was a little weird. _I'm_ usually the emotional mess." She raised a playful eyebrow. "I had to restore our dynamic." He laughed, and she grinned. "That doesn't explain why you're relieved, though."

He sighed. "I hated to think that you went through everything alone. Knowing that you found solace in _anything_ is a huge weight off of my conscience, let alone it being with things I wrote."

She paused. "You are, without a doubt, the single most unpredictable person I've ever met."

"How so?"

"I just gave you fantastic ammunition to lord over me for the rest of my life, and you're doing the exact opposite."

"Well, you know me," he said, leaning in and raising an eyebrow suggestively. "I like keeping you on your toes."

She matched his expression and leaned in as well. "Being on your toes so much means a lot of foot injuries, though, doesn't it?"

"Maybe a couple." He grinned. "But what's life without a little risk?"

She grinned and bit her lip, and Rick could've sworn his body became nothing but a mass of tingling nerves. For one glorious moment he simply looked at her as she looked back, reveling in her closeness and the fact that her hand still rested in his.

He nearly had a heart attack when the dryer buzzed. Kate's head whipped around in the direction of the noise. "That'll be your pants," he said, willing his heart to return to a normal rate.

She sighed and turned back to face him. "That'll also be my cue to go," she said, beginning to stand up.

He wouldn't let her, keeping a hold on her hand and gently pulling her back down; she didn't protest. "Kate, you don't have to leave."

She smiled. "Rick, it's Christmas eve–," she checked her watch and, seeing it was past midnight, corrected herself, "…day. It's Christmas day. You should be spending it with your family."

"Yes, and the only problem is that half is asleep and half is at a party I wouldn't go near if you paid me. But you're here," he said, lightly rubbing across the back of her hand with his thumb, "and I don't know if you know this, but I like you an awful lot."

She sighed. "I don't like that _my_ dad spent Christmas with someone over me. I can't have you doing the same thing."

It was his turn to sigh. "Logic sucks."

But nonetheless, he stood up and led her over to the dryer. He bent down and pulled out the tangled fabric, extricating his own pair of pants and turning to hand her her own. He noticed she was standing a fraction closer to him than he was expecting, and found that he rather liked it.

"Thanks," Kate said quietly.

Rick understood the deeper meaning to her gratitude. He smiled softly. "Anytime," he said genuinely, "even at midnight on Christmas day. And I mean that."

Her hand touched his as she took her pants from him, and their eyes locked momentarily before she started towards the bathroom to change. Their arms brushed lightly as she passed, and he couldn't help but turn and watch her walk up the stairs and out of site. When he couldn't see her anymore, he turned back to face the dryer, looking at it unseeingly, having a silent war with himself.

_Kiss her!_

_But she might not want you to!_

_Sure seems like she might._

_She can fake it; you've seen her lie to make other people feel comfortable._

_But that was work, she wouldn't do it now!_

_And if she is, and you do, you're screwed._

He heard her footsteps coming down the stairs.

_You should kiss her._

_She might hit you._

_Kiss her._

_This might screw everything up._

_Kiss her!_

_She'll hate you forever!_

_KISS HER, YOU MORON!_

Mind made up, he quickly silenced the negative little voice in his head and turned to face her, heart pounding.

"Hey, what do you want me to do with—"

Before she could finish her question, Rick closed the remaining distance between them with several long strides, took her face in his hands, and kissed her. She flinched and, for one heart-stopping moment, he thought she was going to pull away. But then he felt her relax into him; relief flooded him down to his toes, the positive little voice in his head screaming in victory. When she began to kiss him back, his brain fogged over. The sweatpants she'd been holding fell silently to the floor as she wrapped her arms around his waist. He became blissfully unaware of everything but her; her lips against his, her smooth skin under his hands, her hands on his back, the little noises she was making in the back of her throat. Kissing Kate was rapidly becoming his favorite thing to do.

After several moments (or days – he really had no concept of time anymore), they broke apart. Despite the fact that she had happily kissed him, he was still anxious about what she was thinking. He nervously watched her swipe at her bottom lip with the back of her pointer finger.

"—your pants," she finished. He gave her a bewildered look, and she laughed. "I was _saying_, what do you want me to do with your pants?"

"Ah." He glanced down at the heap on the floor, and then back at her. "I want you to wear them again."

She grinned and rolled her eyes. "Maybe next time."

It was his turn to grin. "So there's going to be a next time?"

She put on a falsely indifferent look. "Unless, of course, you don't want there to be."

He looked at her seriously. "If you think I don't want there to be more of that, you must be under the influence of some very interesting substance."

She smiled. "Well," she said, stepping closer to him so their bodies touched and placing her hands behind his neck, "there can't be a next time if I don't leave." She kissed him. "So I have to leave."

He blinked. "If you want me to let you leave, you should really stop doing this."

She rolled her eyes in amusement and stepped away from him. He took her hand and led her to the door. When they reached it, he opened it and turned to face her, lacing their fingers together. "Do you have plans on New Year's?"

"Well, I told Lanie I'd go out with her, but it depends."

"On what?"

"On whether or not I have a better offer," she said with a slight meaningful smile. She disentangled her fingers from his, took her coat from the hook next to the door, and began putting it on.

He smiled. "I don't know how much better my offer is, but we're having some family over for a party-type thing, and I'd really like it if you came."

"Ooooh, I don't know," she said, buttoning her coat. His heart sank. "A whole family of Castles? You're a handful all on your own." She bent down and picked up her skate bag.

Relieved, Rick laughed. "If that's your reasoning, you should really come. My cousin Izzy puts me to shame."

Kate gave him a sly smile. "Okay, I'll come, on the off chance I'll get to hear some embarrassing stories about you."

He rubbed a hand down his face. "It's not really an off chance, it's pretty much a given."

She broke into a grin. "Even better!"

He stepped closer to her. "You really _do_ love to see me miserable, don't you?"

"What can I say?" she asked, raising a devious eyebrow. "You're cute when you squirm."

He grinned and kissed her, intending for it to be short, but found himself unable to pull away. She put her hands on his shoulders, and he put his on her waist. He slowly leaned her backwards into the doorframe and began kissing her neck. He felt her lean her head backwards, her breath catching in her throat and her fingers tightening their grip in his collar.

Just then, a neighbor turned into the hallway. Seeing the couple in the doorway, he rolled his eyes. "Get a room," he muttered as he shuffled past them.

Rick chuckled against Kate's throat, and felt her laughing as well. He straightened up and gazed into her eyes, which were still lit up with laughter. She hitched her skate bag higher up on her shoulder and, with a final smile, started down the hallway. He stood in the doorway and watched her go.

Suddenly, she turned around. "Merry Christmas, Rick."

Before he could respond, she'd disappeared down the hall and around the corner.

He grinned, closing the door to his apartment. _Merry Christmas indeed._

_

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_

A/N: Stana really does have that birthmark and uneven teeth ... have i watched every episode thousands of times, do you think? lol. you can kind of see her teeth in this picture (remove spaces); http:// img198. imageshack. us/ img198/475/ beckett is adorableee. png  
there are definitely better examples, but, as you can tell by what i named the file, this one is SO CUTE! :D lol.

not TOO long, right? hope the Casketness made up for the length a litte bit. ;]

the final chapter is on its way! i sort of wanted to end it right here, but i really wanted to get Beckett's perspective on what went down. so that's really all the last chapter is ... with the obligatory cuteness thrown in, of course!


	5. Holly

A/N: so, i've got a little poll for my fantabulous readers ... should i write the New Year's party into a fic? it'd probably be a rather pointless bit of Caskett fluff, but hey, those are the best kind, right?! lol.  
the definitions i found for 'holly' were creepily accurate for Beckett. the first one i used was just kind of ironic, but i included two more at the end that made me go "...really now?"  
and, for the umpteenth time, thank you sooooooooo (x237294587345) much for the wonderful reviews! :D :D :D

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Chapter 5 – Holly

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_Holly (n) – that dream girl that you always want, but will never want you back; a brightly spirited person, with a lot of passion for life._

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"Hi mom."

Kate stood at the foot of her mother's grave, hands deep in her pockets, chin buried in her collar, looking at the headstone through her eyelashes. It had snowed more overnight, reaching halfway up her calves, soaking her shoes and pants. She gazed at its smooth surface stretching in front of her, unwilling to step on it.

She sighed. "It's been awhile." A gust of wind lifted her hair off her face, and she closed her eyes briefly. "I'm sorry. I meant to come last night, but … that's a long story."

She poked at the ground with her foot. She hated standing right on top of her mom's grave, simply because of the thought that she was standing on her mom, but she also hated speaking to nothing. Gritting her teeth, she finally stepped forward to stand directly in front of the headstone. She was still, however, several feet taller than the object she was talking to, and felt distinctly awkward about it. So, disregarding the snow, she sat down. She was now at eye level, more or less, with her mother's name.

Her throat tightened. "I hate that I have to talk to a slab of rock to talk to you," she said quietly. She ran her fingers lightly over the engraved letters, allowing each finger to briefly dip into each groove. Snowflakes, shaken loose, fell lightly to the ground. "I wish dad would come here once in awhile. He's better now – _we're_ better now – but he's still trying to run away." With a slight smile, she said, "I'm not anymore."

She sighed. "I guess that's as good a segue as I'll get. I really did mean to come last night. Dad is spending Christmas with his—" she looked guiltily at the headstone, "—his girlfriend." She continued quickly. "I don't think he really loves her, though. I mean, I haven't even met her yet, so he can't be _that_ serious about her, and even if he is, how can he fully love her if he's still not over you?" She took a deep breath and swallowed hard. "But anyway, Rick – you know, Rick Castle? I'm sure you've heard of him, he's a famous murder mystery writer. He's been following me around at work for a few months … don't ask, he pulled some strings with the mayor … and he actually decided to dig up your case." She smiled wryly. "I really hated him for it. But it's actually turned out to be a good thing … it's why I'm not running away anymore," she offered.

She began tracing a heart absentmindedly in the snow. "So yeah, he invited me to go ice skating at Rockefeller Center with him last night. Him and his daughter." She smiled. "How could I say no, right? A cute boy and a family atmosphere?" She grinned at the memory. "You would love this girl, she's incredible. Smart, mature, witty. She makes _me_ feel inferior, and I'm 15 years older than her. Well, her boyfriend showed up while we were on line for skating last night, and I'm pretty sure she'd arranged for him to be there." She chuckled. "Either way, she left with him, so Rick and I were left alone."

She paused for a moment and glanced around, making sure nobody else was around. She wouldn't be opposed to being out in the open with what happened, but she wasn't entirely comfortable with someone seeing her having an in-depth discussion with an inanimate object. Feeling assured that she was alone, she continued. "I'm not really sure if it was a date. It sure felt like one, though. It was like … it was like something out of a movie, complete with a romantic-music, gazing-into-each-other's-eyes moment." She grinned. "Well, I think there was one. And I'm pretty sure I'm not making it up." She thought back to the night before, and giggled at the memory. "He fell over a little girl at one point. It was pretty spectacular. And he invited me back to his place for hot chocolate, but my pants were wet from the snow, so I wore a pair of his while mine were drying."

She grinned and hugged her knees. "Is it weird that I liked wearing his pants? I don't know why, but I did. It was … intimate, I guess."

She sighed. "We talked about some pretty heavy stuff." She paused. "I told him that he helped me get through … you know … because he said he feels guilty that he has so much because he thinks he doesn't help people." She hid her face in her knees. "I thought that was kind of adorable," she said, slightly muffled.

She picked up her head and rested her chin on her knees. "He's adorable most of the time, actually. When he's not driving me up a wall, he can be really sensitive. It's nice. Like, last night he told me some little things about me that he's noticed. You know, stupid little things you don't see unless you're really paying attention." She grinned, and paused. "It's still weird to talk to you about kissing someone," she said with a smile. "All I'm gonna say is that it was really good." She thought back to the feeling of his lips on her neck and her back pressed against the doorframe, and gave a little shiver that had nothing to do with the cold. "He invited me to meet his extended family on New Year's."

The wind blew fiercely for a moment, and she waited for it to stop whistling before she continued. "I really like him, mom. I probably shouldn't, but I do. I mean, he's older than me, has waaayyy more experience, lives with his mother, and has a teenage daughter." She chuckled. "Boy, that sounds terrible on paper. But he's … I don't know, he's different. I feel like he gets it. And I know that beneath his playboy, jackass exterior is a really sweet guy. And I know he really cares about me." She chewed on the inside of her cheek. "I might … no. I can't love him, not yet, it's way too soon." She dug her hands into the snow, forming little tunnels, and touched the base of the headstone. "But…" She groaned and rested her forehead against the cold stone.

She noticed that her hand was touching something leafy, that definitely didn't belong on the ground in the middle of winter. Curious, she felt around for a moment and pulled it into view. Brushing snow off of the little plant, she looked at it and felt a lump form in her throat. It was a sprig of holly, a little piece of Christmas spirit. She knew immediately who had left it. It certainly wasn't her, her dad was shacking up with some strange woman, and any of her mom's friends wouldn't just stop by on Christmas eve. And there was only one person that would go out of their way to do something like this, and who knew she planned on stopping by.

It had to be Rick.

Blinking back tears, Kate held up the sprig. "You see this, mom? _This_ is what I'm talking about. He'll make me want to shoot him, and then he goes and does something like _this_." She sniffled and wiped her nose. "I don't even know how he knew where to find you! And he must've done it right after I left last night, because it was buried pretty deep. I told you he was sweet," she added quietly, as much to herself as to her mom.

After a moment, she sighed and stood up. "I should go now, unless I want to get pneumonia." She brushed the snow off her sopping pants and gently laid the holly in front of the stone.

She started to walk away, but turned back briefly. "I love you, mom." She smiled. "I hope you approve of this one."

With a final look over her shoulder, Kate trooped through the snowy graveyard and back to the sidewalk. She was headed home, where a cozy (though thoroughly and disappointingly her own) pair of sweatpants and a phone call awaited her.

_FIN._

_

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A/N: the other definitions i found are:_

_"beautiful girl brown hair and brown greenish eyes that sometimes change who loves to use sarcasm. no one really appreciates her beauty or her personality except her best friedns like rachel and her boyfriend."  
-- barring the "rachel and boyfriend" thing, that's pretty damn close, no? _

_"The most beautiful girl in the whole wide world. Someone who is so clever that she is loved so much by this one person; but someone so thick that they don't know that this person loves them."  
-- okay, this IS Beckett! o.O_

muchas gracias to everyone that read and reviewed! hope you had as much fun as i did! :D


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